Adieu!

Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading. Over the last month this blog has been a great outlet for me to explore many feelings I have been having about my recovery. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, I am no longer able to post about my experience in treatment.


I apologize if any of my words triggered, upset or alienated you. It was never my intent to cause harm or unsafe feelings in others, only to articulate my own thoughts in the way I am best able to express them.

Thank you for your amazing expressions of support. Knowing that you have my back carries me through a lot of tough times. Please keep the faith.

Love,

Rebecca

Green (tea) Christmas/ O Christmatcha tree

There are three things that I know for sure:


1. Shortbread is one of the most delicious culinary inventions (as a proud member of the Lamont Clan and Burns' Day Celebrator, I think the Scots invented quite a few tasty treats).


2. Young, urban would-be/soon-to-be yuppies love to consume foods that contain words like               "organic,""quinoa," and "Matcha" (and really, who can blame them, quinoa and matcha powder are both nutritious and delicious).


3. When studying with a laughter of ladies, one should always bring a baked offering (yes, I am making laughter a collective noun).


With those very important truths in mind, I set out to do some baking for a study session.  The Christmatcha Tree Shortbreads were a big hit, with many of the Laughter requesting the recipe. I adapted a Cardamom Shortbread recipe from Bravo! Best of Bridge Cookbook and added lemon glaze frosting. The lemon and green tea flavours complement each other nicely.


I feel that this recipe epitomizes the young, urban millennial. It simultaneously rejects the same-old stuff in favour of the taste of the day, but clings to tradition for security.

A little worse for wear after travelling, and being picked over at the study party. These are the "Charlie Brown Trees" of the bunch.

The Recipe:
Preheat Oven to 325°F 
Bake for 10-15 minutes depending on your oven and the thickness of the cookie (edges should be just golden brown)


*1. 1 ½  to 1 ¾ Cups All-Purpose Flour, Divided
*2. ¼ Cups Rice Flour
  3. 1 ½ Tbsp Matcha Powder (I use this kind. $30 is expensive, but it goes a long way and makes for a  great treat)
  4. ¼  Tsp salt (if you are using unsalted butter)
  5. 1 Cup butter
  6.  1 Cup Icing Sugar (Confectioners' Sugar)




*I did not use rice flour for this study party, as I did not have it on-hand. It is cheap and available at most grocery stores. Rice flour will make the shortbread flakier, more like Scottish shortbread.




In a bowl, mix together the matcha, salt and 1 ¼  cups flour, set aside. In a larger bowl, beat butter until soft and sumptuous-looking. Mix butter and sugar together. This is my favourite part. It looks delicious and tastes even better. Beat in flour mixture. Put dough on floured surface and knead the remaining flour into the mixture until the dough starts to crack. 


At this point I rolled the dough into a ball, wrapped it in wax paper and cling wrap, and froze it. The next day I removed the dough from my freezer to thaw enough to cut in half. Half remains in my freezer now for those December spur-of-the-moment invitations that I will (hopefully!) receive.  


Because I was not making my shortbread in round cake pans, in the traditional manner, I did not want my dough to be too dry.  Before rolling out the dough, I added  couple teaspoons of skim milk to make the dough a bit more malleable. 


I rolled out the dough with my rolling pin, and used my Grandma's vintage tree cookie cutter to make the tree shape.  I placed the little trees on a cookie sheet lined with parchment and baked for about 10 minutes, afterward cooling them on a wire rack.  

Recipe: The Lemon Glaze


I recommend only making the amount that you think you will need for your decorating purposes. Keep the ratios the same, and you will be fine.  I halved this recipe. 


1 Cup confectioners' Sugar
1 Tbsp lemon juice
2 tsp lemon zest (you can use any kind of citrus fruit for the juice and zest, it's up to your tastebuds)
1 tbsp milk


Mix the ingredients together, add liquid as necessary for your desired viscosity.


Decorate your COMPLETELY COOLED COOKIES. Let the icing dry completely before packing them in a cookie tin or container.


I hope you enjoy. I would love to hear about your revamped holiday recipes. Don't be afraid to share them here. I promise I will make each recipe posted.

Patience Grasshopper: The Rubik’s Cube of Singing

This is the second of 2 blogs about Chris the tenor from the perspective of Chris the tenor.  For the first one click here.

So I am a tenor.  For those of you who may be missing the subtext of that statement, here it is: I am a vocal freak.  That's right, singing tenor is a little weird.  The technique is different, the approach is different and the mind games are as different as a 6-horned unicorn.  Of course, I didn't know all of this until I decided music would be a great thing to study for my undergraduate degree.

I have been through it all.  I have struggled to find my sound.  Every young singer turns to the pros and asks themselves how they could ever sound like that, which, is inevitably followed by vocal manipulation to emulate the pros.  Teachers: I have had the good, the bad and the ugly. 

In my undergrad, my desire to be better inspired overzealous practice. This led to my greatest crisis.  I developed a polyp on my vocal fold which prevented me from singing for eleven months. Matters were made worse by the self-inflicted pressure to deliver in performance.

I share all this because I have learned something.   True satisfaction in singing, and I would imagine other fields, comes from the process, from the journey. I will explore technique and specific process in another post, but for now, I want to share my new truths.

1. Patience is key.  You are not a failure if you don't meet a standard timeline.  There is no sense wishing your circumstances could be different.
2. Why are singers so stressed out? Learning how to sing is one of the coolest things a person can do.  It's not life or death, it's music.
3. Develop an intrinsic reward system.  You often miss the external praise  that you seek.
4. Fall in love with the process. Performance is fleeting.
5. Trust yourself. Ultimately, the career and vocal decisions are yours to make.
6. Be satisfied with small steps.  

Singing is much like solving a Rubik’s Cube.  One day you may have the green side all finished, but the rest of the cube is a mess. Sometimes we have to let go of the 'perfect green side' to explore solving the whole puzzle.  

You Can't Yell at the Sky : Lessons from the Farm

I wrote these blogs for a school assignment.  We were tasked with developing a social media plan for an organization, celebrity or public figure.  I stretched the boundary, and drafted a social media plan for my friend Chris. We were to write 2 blogs as part of our assignment.  I chose to write the blogs in Chris's voice.   Chris is a tenor in the Canadian Opera Company Ensemble Studio in Toronto. His star is rising.

When I left my hometown in Southern Manitoba, I thought I was leaving behind a lot.  I thought I was leaving behind a way of life.  What I have discovered is that trying to sing for a living in Toronto is oddly similar to farming in Manitoba.

Right away, I noticed the same kind of “farming camaraderie”and team-work is also essential to life intheatre or opera.  I started learning about the rich operatic traditions and conventions and immediately my mind went to the farm, and my Mennonite upbringing.  

I first noticed that I could continue to live in“seasons.” In opera, the Fall is the planting season, the time when you apply to programs and audition for jobs.  The Winter is the nurturing time, if the conditions are right, nourishing the career seems easy.  In the Spring you begin to get a sense of your “crop yield.”  By Summer, you hope to be harvesting your bounty in a Summer Festival or by preparing a role for the Fall.  

Both start with sweet ignorance. Performing on the stage or nurturing a seed to stalk: it sounds like a beautiful way to live.  But, very quickly you learn that hard-work is essential to survival.  That's right, survival, not necessarily success.  

Farming and opera are what I would call “High-Risk”vocations.  I don't mean you are going to get physically hurt in opera, but, it will crush you if you are not careful. You can pour all of your time, financial and emotional resources into both fields, but end up with a pile of rejections or a weak crop. So much is out of your control in farming and singing.  You can't control the weather or the pests; you can't control the competition or the nepotism; you can't yell at the sky.  

Don’t Wait for the Celestial Choir: SING NOW!

I wrote this blog last spring for the Blue Bridge Festival.  I still believe it! Read ahead to unleash your inner diva.

“Oh WOW! You’re a singer?! That is amazing. I can’t sing…just a terrible voice…can’t carry a tune in a bucket. But, boy, would I sure love to do it.”

I hear words like these at least 4 times a month.  My response is always the same: “Everyone can sing. You should try.”
And I mean it. Everyone CAN sing, some people have done it more and subsequently, are more sure-larynxed than others.  But everyone can and should sing.

There is a duality of fear and desire when it comes to singing.  The innate desire to sing and make a racket, and the fear of looking like a fool.  Some anthropologists and archeologists believe that singing was one of earliest bonding methods (read about it here).  The short article by Sharon Begley, of The Wall Street Journal (as printed in The Pittsburgh Gazette) discusses evidence that early humans were comfortable bursting into song to attract mates and forging community togetherness.  There is evidence that musical ability evolved separately, much like the opposable thumb.  Language may even be built on the neural foundation of music.  What does this all mean? Get over your ego and start making music. Why fight nature?

Before I reveal some great news, let’s explore some reasons why you may not sing right now:

8. I have asthma/health concerns.

7. I don’t have time/I am too tired.

6. I don’t want to wreck music. I just like to listen.

5. I had a bad past experience singing.

4. I have never sung before

3. I can’t read music.

2. I am tone deaf.

1. People might negatively judge me.

Now, let’s address these concerns:

7 and 8: Asthma, time and exhaustion:

There was a great, short post on the Martha Stewart “Wholeliving” magazine website addressing the health benefits of singing.  Some of them include:

i. Instant Energy
When you sing, you increase your oxygen intake beyond "survival breathing." This increases alertness and circulation. So if you feel too tired after a busy day, singing in a choir just might be the remedy to your fatigue.

ii. Feel-Good Chemicals
“Swedish research found that Irritable Bowel Syndrome sufferers who sang with a choir produced more oxytocin and saw less intense symptoms.” (Wholeliving)

iii. Immunity Boost
“Several studies have shown that people produce higher levels of immunity-building proteins such as immunoglobulin A when they sing.” (Wholeliving)

iv. Better Breathing
“Singing therapy has been used to improve the lung function of children with asthma.” (Wholeliving)

Read more at Wholeliving.com: 4 Reasons to Sing for Your Health

You may not have the time to NOT be singing.

6. I don’t want to wreck a performance…I’ll just listen:

For most people the act of music-making is about the journey, not the product.  Sure, maybe won’t win American Idol, but learning and participating in a choir is a great outlet to explore and develop your musical skills.

What a sense of achievement you will have when you finally nail a tricky song.  By singing regularly in a choir, your skills will improve; you could learn new language skills (lots of choirs sing in Latin, French, German etc. etc. etc.). Your memory and recall will improve, and you will find a safe performance place to explore your inner diva.

5. I have had a bad past experience:

Maybe the reason you don’t sing is because you once had a teacher that said something like:

“Joe, you sound horrible, you must be tone deaf.”

“Sally, don’t sing, you are wrecking the sound of the choir”

“Tom, don’t quit your day job.”

These cruel words said to a child, or even an adult can inadvertently create a life-long fear of singing.  Singing is a vulnerable act.  Any negative comments can be perceived not as a criticism of a skill, but of you personally.  It can be hard to unpack the emotions created by the carelessness of words.  There are people who will never try singing a lullaby to their baby because their self-perception of their singing voice is negative.

What a tragedy.  If you fall into this category, but there is a niggling feeling that you would like to try finding your voice, choir may be the place to do it.  Community choirs are often social, non-threatening spaces to explore music in a safe way.

3 and 4. Never sung before/ I can’t read music:

No problem.  As mentioned before, our brains are hard-wired to hear and learn music.  It is probably why even non-musicians take such delight in listening to music.  Try singing a melody you hear on the radio.  I bet you can do it without much effort.  In a choir, there are several people singing your part and ample rehearsal time. Slowly but surely, even the rawest beginner will start to pick up the music like a champ.

There are also lots of online resources to help you learn choral music.  Check out Learn Choral Music or Cyberbass, which both contain midi files by part to help drill your music.  Both sites contain a tonne of repertoire.

2. I am tone deaf:

Not likely.  Research indicates that only 1 in 20 people have amusia (tone deafness).  Someone who is truly tone deaf cannot perceive differences in pitch or follow even the simplest tune. This is all explained in a Science Daily article. Here is a free, short test to learn if you are truly tone deaf.  Try it out, even if you think you are tone deaf, you may discover that though you aren’t perfect. your tone perception skills are better than you think.

1. Ego!

Sure, people may judge you if your voice is a bit wobbly or sometimes unpleasant.  But people are jerks.  Everyone has the right to sing.  It is inherent in our natures to do so.  So much of what we do in our lives is tempered by consideration for how we are judged by others.  You will find that in most community choirs, people are warm and accepting.  They were new to the group at one point.  If there is a little voice pushing you to sing…I say try it!

So it seems like we should all be singing. But where to do it? The car? The shower? Yes, but part of the musical process is performance. So here is the remedy:

As alluded to, join a community choir.

Why?

         
1. social — singing is a community activity
2. personal — singing creates a sense of achievement
3. musical — singing together makes for a great sound
4. well-being — singing is good for your health
   (source: From the Front of the Choir)

So now you must be wondering how you find the perfect choir for you.  I have put some choral resource links below.  Here you will find information about joining choirs in BC and Ontario.  Try a google/bing/your-favourite-search-engine search "Your City" or "Your Region" AND "Join choir".  Good luck, and happy singing.  If you want more information or help contact me.

www.bcchoralfed.com/members/join_a_choir
www.choirsontario.org 
www.choralnet.org
acda.org

unWilling Willpower

When it comes to willpower, I am unwilling. Some people call it self-discipline. I can be self-disciplined.  If I wanted to, I could bake something every day. Is that not self-discipline? Or, does self-discipline require some level of engaging in an undesirable activity, or limiting my consumption of delicious foods?  Does exercising self-discipline and will-power only refer to the unpleasant?

I began thinking about willpower this morning. I have had two extreme tests of willpower over the last 24 hours. The challenges involved food and exercise, two nemeses for the willpower of many.

It all began yesterday on my first Nanaimo run.  I was running a 5.4 km distance, which is very manageable for me.  Unfortunately, it would seem that in Nanaimo it is only possible to run uphill.

Running uphill is an interesting metaphor for many of the challenges in life.  It is so tempting and easy to give up, to take the path of least resistance.  I knew that I was capable of keeping my pace, but oooh, to walk would be SO much easier.  I walked up 2.5 of the six hills.  It was really frustrating, because I knew I could do it, if I engaged my willpower, but I was unwilling this time.  

Rutherford Rd.- It is steeper than it looks.
Photo courtesy of google maps.

The second test of my inner strength was resisting some very tasty peanut butter-banana-chocolate chip bars (a modified recipe from the Rebar: Modern Food Cookbook).  I made these to use up some unwanted peanut butter.  I did not intend to be the primary consumer of them.  But unwilling willpower strikes again.  I have eaten most of them.  Big Problem!!

Rebar peanut butter bars. 

I modified the recipe, which you can find on the Eat Me, Delicious. blog.  I made some healthy changes.  I reduced the sugar to 1/4 cup of both brown and white sugar, and replaced the remaining sugar with a 1/2 cup of banana.  I removed the butter from the recipe and replaced it with a 1/2 cup of banana.  I replaced the milk chocolate chips with semi-sweet chips.  I also used almond milk instead of heavy cream in the icing.  Because my aunt has a chocolate allergy, I made a row without chocolate chips at all.  My father prefers chocolate, so I made a row with chocolate icing for him.

So...not the WORST treat to binge on, I would not call them healthy either.

Look how many I have had!  My theory is that if I
cut them into small squares, I can just have a tiny bite.
Problem: if they are small, you can justify eating more.

The running and eating fails have prompted me to take action.  I have been planning  a willpowered month of August.  I have a great deal to accomplish.  This breakdown in discipline has inspired me to, at least, remember that I have this plan.

I am visiting family in Nanaimo, BC for the month.  This is a great place to be, and to do many exciting things.  I have very few real responsibilities so I have come up with a list of goals that will test my self-discipline.

Incriminating.  There was a full 8x8 pan yesterday.

The goals:


1. To begin a blog, and write a new post every day.
2.  To run every day.
3. To do at least 1 outdoor activity every day.
4.  To compile a cookbook of my Grandmother's "famous" recipes for each member of my family.
5.  To get into healthy eating habits.
6.  To knit a blanket.

This is a lofty list of goals, but it is manageable if I develop a strategy to meet them.  Instead of dwelling in the negativity of an unmet goal, I will create a plan that focuses on expanding, rather than limiting myself.

Healthy eating, for example, needs to be a list of foods that I can enjoy, rather than what I can't enjoy.  Goals need to be measurable so that I can mentally check-in to track my progress.  So today I will do the run again.  My goal is to walk up one less hill.  I can do it.  I can master my self-discipline little by little.